My Companion Always Talks On Her Own Life: Is It Time to Cut Her Off?

Our close companions for more than 20 years, who has overcome many challenges, which I admire. But, she has been often taken by surprise in relationships. Her spouse walked away, and it was a huge shock. Many of her friends drifted away then, since they had been only interested in the spouse. This surprised her. She put in greater energy in our friendship, probably understood better what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, quite a few of her friends have drifted apart without her being knowing the cause. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she had been very skilled at her work, her exit happened without knowing why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we've both left the workforce leading to more each other more, however, I feel my position between us is to listen. I introduce discussion points only for her to redirect conversation onto her own topics. Politically, she holds unyielding views. I try to suggest factchecking and alternate views.

She is planning a vacation to a nation I know well on several occasions even called home previously. I attempted to offer personal experiences, but this was met with resistance. She essentially just desired validation of her plans. I recently ended 30 days in that place she is eager to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to be a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, yet I doubt she will ever grasp the consequences of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. At this point, my state is avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

One option is to cut and run, but it is not often a smooth outcome that we desire. But confrontation with the goal of a solution demands strength and openness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially requires explaining what typically happens when you talk. Aim for this to be objective and clear and basically an unbiased account. Next is to tell the way it leaves you feeling. There should be no dispute on this point. Emotions belong to you, naturally. Step three involves requesting how the two of you will alter the interaction between you."

Consider she too has a point of view, thus requiring you to be prepared to hear that. An approach that works is to say her:

"Now you talk and I'm going to not say anything for 30 minutes."

Final Thoughts

Your friend may dismiss all you say, for those who hold onto a self-protecting mindset: they have a narrative about themselves they cannot let go of because their very survival depends upon it being the only thing they've known. This poses a challenge as there is no easy route with these people, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could at first react defensively then consider your perspective. And should you don't achieve a fix, you'll have peace that you've been open and direct.